I’m Cheddar. I hold my fry in a relaxed, ketchup-dipped, ready-to-eat position. Swiss and Jack follow suit with fork and knife. Murican guards our backs with frychakus in hand… I sense his body quivering with tense energy waiting to be triggered in juicy, flavor release.

We’re not wearing costumes.

We’re the Teenage Mutant Ninja Burgers.